Now I know. I know why people have trouble getting along and why they argue so much and hurt each other. I know why kids resent their parents and why neighbors avoid each other. I know why people whisper and gossip instead of confronting.
Because we rarely hear each other.
Yesterday, my husband said the reason he couldn’t “accept” what I had to say was because it meant his perception automatically became wrong. He did not know that listening doesn’t mean you invalidate your own experience. He wants so badly to be right.
People want so badly to be right.
Not children, necessarily. For a while, they just want to be understood. And when that doesn’t happen, they settle for being right. They also want attention, but will settle for toys and gifts.
I never knew all this time that the reason he could not hear me was because he assumed it meant his perception was wrong.
My son once told me he was hesitant to express anger to me because he was afraid I would take something away from him – like his video games. I believe it’s important that he express his anger. Anger is not disrespectful. I’ve made many adjustments in this area. I want him to be a whole person and to know that his experience is valid.
I do NOT want him to be passive aggressive.