Third Wheelin’ (maybe fourth)

I am married to at least 2 people. I did not agree to this; I would prefer to be monogamous. I have for spouse #1 a man, who has abandonment issues, struggles with shame, an inability to tell the truth, and a sweet heart. Spouse #2 is His Pride, an invisible entity who is easily provoked, impatient, hypersensitive, and determined to emotionally destroy me. I’m pretty sure the third spouse is Lust, who makes sure my husband never sees me as a human being and coheir to the throne of grace.

Everywhere I accompany these “spouses” I feel left out, like a third wheel. They take precedence over my needs, are oblivious to my feelings, and have important things to do to maintain their “image.”

Pride tells my husband not to communicate. Not to share or be vulnerable. Pride convinces him he can lie to me and cavalierly deny it and lash out at me if he’s caught. Pride tells him he doesn’t have to take me seriously, and that he’s not responsible for protecting me when I face cruelty from people around us. Every day, my husband and Pride get up together, go to work, and come home. Together, they are always right and I am wrong.

Lust seems to tell my husband he has every right to use me for his pleasure. Or to use porn. Pride tells him it’s his business and he can lash out about it if questioned or whine that he doesn’t feel “wanted” so he must watch others FORNICATE.

Anyway, I married a man, his pride, and his lust. This is a crowded house. Still trying to figure out how to keep from being destroyed.

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