Here it is June 2014 and I still fear my husband’s unkindness. His entitlement. His pouting. His lies and manipulation. To top it off, I just read a blog entry by a woman whose father severely sexually abused her, and she hates her mom for it and is worried about how her rapist is coping.
My desire to placate the implacable and to accept the unacceptable in men recently died. When I read stories about women who cater to their abusers, and when I meet women who are unkind to other women but who feel sorry for fathers who disgustingly use their own small daughters, I lose hope that Christ can ever help us.
What is it that men do to us that keeps us coming back for more abuse, while we abandon ourselves and our sisters and mothers and friends? I don’t care if my abusers can cope. I don’t want a relationship with a relative who used me for sex. Every time I even remotely harm a man’s perception of himself, I receive a punishment that far outweighs the crime.
Things that hurt men:
Being held accountable
Not being catered to
Not being the center of attention
Not being instantly trusted
Being asked to consider my perspective
Being asked to respect my boundaries
Finding that their unkindness displeases me
Hearing about my experiences of abuse from men
Things that harm me:
The knowledge that my needs don’t matter
Knowing that if I were drunk, my husband would “take” whatever sexual pleasure he wants from me
Being treated badly by male strangers who feel entitled to my time and attention
Being overlooked and dismissed and being called a bitch if it even remotely bothers me
Dwelling too much on the negative 😜
So, yeah. I had a man recently treat me with kindness and gentleness that seemed genuine and not calculated to get an ego stroke, make me look bad, or lure me into his bedroom. I know this is why women followed Jesus everywhere; this is why I cling to Christ. He obeys God’s commands and He treats me as a precious and beloved daughter.
That man who was kind – I was ready to wash his feet with my tears, and he isn’t even Christ!