Tag Archives: christ

The Whipping Girl

I have heard fundamentalist Christians refer to something called “the Jezebel spirit.”. One time I read a comment on a Nicki Minaj YouTube video in which a man claimed she had a “Jezebel spirit.”. Growing up as a Southern Baptist, I’m accustomed to men using such shaming tactics to scare women and to keep us from ever questioning them or their supposedly divine right to rule.

I don’t believe in “spirits” in this manner. I do think, though, that the bible provides examples we shouldn’t follow. I think it’s time men stopped this petulant finger-pointing and took a look at themselves, starting with men of the bible who set bad examples.

If there is a “Jezebel spirit”, then most certainly there is a “Cain spirit” and a “Lamech spirit” and a “Judah spirit”. Judging by the behavior of men today, they haven’t changed much since Lamech and Judah lived.

Have a look at Lamech. Arrogant, boastful, violent, a bully in need of a feminine audience for his bragging. A murderer and driven by lust and ambition. What would I do if I were married to a man like that? What could I do? He was obviously not a loving, patient, compassionate man.

Judah raised wicked sons whom God killed. He had contempt for his daughter-in-law, Tamar, and disobeyed God and withheld from her his son Shelah. He lied to her, passive-aggressively promising what he knew he would not deliver. And he felt comfortable visiting a prostitute, and had no righteous friends to direct him to the right path in his behavior. Love does not dishonor others, and love demands that we hold one another accountable.

Men today are the same. They don’t hold each other accountable. They don’t treat their wives as coheirs to the throne of grace. They resist being questioned and do not care how they affect their families. They are ruled by lust and pride, but refuse to admit and repent of such things.

My husband is is impatient and vindictive when his pride is wounded, even though “love is not proud” and he says he is a Christian. My husband relies on sexual release as his sovereign right instead of relying on God. In place of tenderly loving us, listening to us, and being honest about his intentions and feelings, he stonewalls and ignores us and behaves much like Lamech and Judah. He behaves as though his law is higher than God’s and as though I am not worth being honored. He is patronizing and condescending, and I find it painful.

What would Lamech have accomplished if he had used his masculine energy to patiently teach other boys and men? What good could he have accomplished if he had been tender-hearted? How would Judah’s sons have responded if their father had sided with God for Tamar? God does not hold women in contempt. He designed us and placed us here, and we have a purpose to fulfill.

It is painful when my ego is wounded. I am embarrassed when people disrespect me. I want to be heard. I hate when I do wrong and God convicts me of it. It is hard to live up to my word. I have been blessed to have men force me to deal with these things. I have been blessed to have my shortcomings constantly pointed out. I have yearned for praise, even knowing that is a wrong desire. I believe it is time men turned the whip of exhortation on themselves and each other, because this whipping girl is fucking worn out.

 

 

 

 

 

Made to Worship

Here it is June 2014 and I still fear my husband’s unkindness. His entitlement. His pouting. His lies and manipulation. To top it off, I just read a blog entry by a woman whose father severely sexually abused her, and she hates her mom for it and is worried about how her rapist is coping. 

My desire to placate the implacable and to accept the unacceptable in men recently died. When I read stories about women who cater to their abusers, and when I meet women who are unkind to other women but who feel sorry for fathers who disgustingly use their own small daughters, I lose hope that Christ can ever help us. 

What is it that men do to us that keeps us coming back for more abuse, while we abandon ourselves and our sisters and mothers and friends? I don’t care if my abusers can cope. I don’t want a relationship with a relative who used me for sex. Every time I even remotely harm a man’s perception of himself, I receive a punishment that far outweighs the crime.

Things that hurt men:

Being held accountable

Not being catered to

Not being the center of attention

Not being instantly trusted

Being asked to consider my perspective

Being asked to respect my boundaries

Finding that their unkindness displeases me

Hearing about my experiences of abuse from men

 

Things that harm me:

The knowledge that my needs don’t matter

Knowing that if I were drunk, my husband would “take” whatever sexual pleasure he wants from me

Being treated badly by male strangers who feel entitled to my time and attention

Being overlooked and dismissed and being called a bitch if it even remotely bothers me

Dwelling too much on the negative 😜

 

So, yeah. I had a man recently treat me with kindness and gentleness that seemed genuine and not calculated to get an ego stroke, make me look bad, or lure me into his bedroom. I know this is why women followed Jesus everywhere; this is why I cling to Christ. He obeys God’s commands and He treats me as a precious and beloved daughter.

That man who was kind – I was ready to wash his feet with my tears, and he isn’t even Christ!

Peace out